more stupid posts

BellJS: Jamaal just bailed me out dis afternoon...I mights be going upstate for some serious time
Barbikat60: fuk dat, I gots some money stashed from the last tahm I sold food stamps, lets drive to Mexico
Barbikat60: I know your ass is lying because Keisha just called saying you left your drawers in her bed last night
Barbikat60: Ima beat the shit out of you an' her
BellJS: that ho is lyin'. I wuz in lockup all night. I cants be fleeing, woman. what abouts my other 6 kids? who is gonna teach dem the ropes?
Barbikat60: how 'bout their real daddies?
BellJS: I knocked up all dem bitches. Keisha, Moesha, LaTisha, LaWanda, and Moesha's mother. I gots to takes responsibilities, you know. fathers day is already confusin' enuff
Barbikat60: what you need to do is cut that dick off and stop fucking around,
Barbikat60: My daddy says that you is no good
BellJS: Yo' daddy?! The same coot that left youse and yo' sisters when you wuz 9 years old? I'll kick dat junkies ass back to Georgia...Dees womens love my Alabama blacksnake. Plus theys give me moneys when I need it.
Barbikat60: you is evil <crossing mahself>
BellJS: do hate the player, woman; hate the game. Plus, all my east new York connections just got busted yesterday, over at the projects. Me and Jamaal was supposed to go out on dat boat this Sunday!
Barbikat60: lololololololololol
Barbikat60: you read that too???
Barbikat60: that was funny
Barbikat60: I mean, I feel sorry for those poor people but it was right out of New Jack City!!!!!!
Barbikat60: holy shit!!!!!!
BellJS: you knows I can't read, woman...My shipment of rock was seized near Thomas Jefferson elementary. Now what the fuck am I gonna sell?! Fucking feds don't respect nothin'.
Barbikat60: you should put that ho Keisha out on the stroll and make money from her nasty ass
BellJS: Keisha done pull in $9.35 an hour at the KFC on Atlantic. She also gets benefits fo her 5 kids(2 of mine). I does pimp her out, on duh side, for some spendin' cash. I mights have to begin to deal outta her basement, as dis recent bust will put a serious crimp in my cash flow. Maybe my boyz down at the Coney island projects will want to do some bizness again.

Auto response from Barbikat60: You can't always get what you want!

Barbikat60: I just don't know, I think I haf to cut you loose and date Tyrone, at least he got a job at UPS. and he look good in dem shorts
BellJS: motherfucking Tyrone...Icut him I sees his ass.
BellJS signed off at 3:41:49 PM.

Thursday night

I hope my new friend doesn't mind that I'm posting our ims but it was funny as all hell.

ellJS [1:16 PM]:  sheeet, biatch. What I look like? Be usen dem cloth diapers and shit.
Auto response from Barbikat60 [1:16 PM]: Barbikat60 is online but may be away from AOL right now.
BellJS [1:42 PM]:  sheet...my life ain't but shufflin' from one jail to another.
BellJS [1:43 PM]:  Me and Raheem gonna knock off that bodega on Malcolm X blvd tonight...I try to grab some of dem Pampers, along with some .40's, for you...
BellJS [1:45 PM]:  shit...cops is here! its a rade! I gots to flush my rock...kiss your cousins baby for me!
BellJS signed off at 1:45 PM

 

I wish I was able to save the entire chat, it was truly hilarious

I'm leaving the plantation, maybe I'll finish this entry tonight. ciao

Okay, I've been pretty remiss in entries. It all started weeks ago but I'll start with last weekend. I let Mr Wes come stay at my place last weekend and we partied!!! and partied. I hung out in the rain on Saturday and Sunday, the vile Michael hung out in La Plaza all day for the bluegrass ball even though I was there
ohh yeah, Saturday was way cool because I got to see Wigstock! Anyway on Sunday, the dolt was there with dog and beer. He went shirtless which creeped me out. Later on, he showed up with Mary loo for the Yippie Tea party. He walked past me and said really nastily, "Oh My Gawd". He really is a piece of shit. Fuck him.
With the exception of him showing up, it wasn't so bad. I totally accept the fact that Mary Loo is not a friend of mine. its cool, I can accept that. Whatever.
So, ummmm, that damn New Orleans guy was really hot. Best sex that I have had since the good part of the Curtis Riche days. I'll never see the little bastard again but its just as well. Yeah, Keep on Trucking (Eddie Kendricks is singing lead on this Temptations song). The protests have begun. This is going to be the most interesting week ever!!! I'm doing okay, outside of being an alcoholic and obsessive silly ass, I'm doing quite fine. Yummmmmmmy.

Sleepy, Sleepy little mouse

Hola all, its Friday and I'm sleepy so I'm going to bed early. Sylvia's last day was today and I have decided that I'm not going to feel guilty or bad about myself. I didn't keep the job because I am Mark's pet because I certainly am not! I got to keep it because I am more able than her. She had six years to learn things and she choose not to. Thats not my fault. I give her credit because she put out a lot of work but we didn't work together as a team so she never did things that I guess the office deemed necessary. Again, thats not my fault. My concern is to do a good job and try to keep my job. If it doesn't happen, well, there is unemployment, a chance to undergo training in another more lucrative field and I can relentlessly try to get a job with the New York State Courts system. I can't get upset and depressed, I have to keep moving on. I have five days sober today. I am just trying to take a day at a time and go from there.  I'm still in the throes of Michael mania and Jael's birthday is Tuesday. He must be suffering. I feel for the man, I really do. If anybody reads this on the weekend, come to the Howl Festival in the Lower East Side this weekend. Its going to be fun, fun, fun, fun!!!!!! I love you all, you rascally rabbits!!!!

cleaning is a good thing

I'm in a MUCH BETTER mood tonight than I was last night.  Should I tell about last night. Eh, I promised to be honest so dammit, I have to.

Somebody picked my squash in my plot.  They did a rather messy job and as a result my plants are ruined and no more squash will be coming forth from my lovely garden. Sigh................

I leave the Garden and who do I see but Michael McGreal walking along someplace dressed nicely and carrying some bags.  I'm feeling hurt because I think that he's probably on his way to a date being so nicely dressed and the bag probably contains clothes for his night out but duh.......I forgot about Lucky.  He can't stay out and forget about Lucky.  Anyway, he sees me and promptly turns around and heads back to Serenity or in that direction.  I just keep going towards the bus stop since that was my destination anyway.

I get to the subway and as I'm going to get a seat, this chubby black girl pushes me aside to get her fat ass a seat. As I go to the next one, her skinny and arrogant friend puts her bags right where I was going to sit.  I really have had enough of bullshit. From hearing Sylvia all day at work and seeing her smirking when Olga was busting chops at me to seeing Michael being an idiot yet again.

I picked up her bags and slammed them in the seat next to her friend.  No real reason for it, I just snapped.   She goes off and I just tell her, "yeah, I touched your stupid bags, its a moot point to tell me not to touch them when I did already. So, shut the fuck up"

Ohhh, she was not happy at all and kept ranting and her friend telling her that I'm crazy.  Those little bitches.  I provoke her, hoping that she tires to hit me so that I can knock the shit out of her.  Keep in mind folks, I haven't had a drink since Sunday morning.  Ummm, yeah, I had a beer for breakfast on Sunday and thats all, okay?   So, anyway, I'm sitting there seething and started wondering when was my period due.

I go to work today and see that I am due next week.  Hence the evilness, I'm in the throes of a particularly ugly pre menstrual temper tantrum.  I've gotten them since, heh, before I got my period.   It happens every so often but actually much more times since I hit my mid thirties.

I got sick at work so I didn't go to my therapist today or my photography booking.  I did bring home a new chair and I'm sitting in it right now.  I also spent quite a bit of time cleaning my kitchen tonight.  I'm rather happy about that.  Its almost clean, then all I have to do is clean my living room and do all the laundry and my apartment will be great.

I'm burning incense now and I'm very sleepy.  Life is good. I have to deal.  Good night, All!!!!

Sunday morning, rainy

so, yeah, I went to see the Dead on Friday.  I had a great time.  I was in the VIP section, how frigging swank!!!!

Here's the playlist

August 13, 2004
Jones Beach Theater
Wantagh, NY

Set 1:
Jam> The Wheel>
No More Do I> Into The Mystic
Strange World> The Eleven>
Uncle John's Band
@Weather Report Suite Prelude>
@WRS Part 1> @Let It Grow

Set 2:
Help On The Way>
Slipknot!> Shakedown Street
^Nothing Else Matters (WH)>
Cryptical Envelopment>
The Other One>
Drumz/Space>
Dark Star (v1)>
Unbroken Chain>
Slipknot!>
Franklin's Tower

E: #We Bid You Goodnight

@Bobby acoustic
^first time played, Metallica song
#Phil, Bobby, Warren and Jeff vocals,
Jeff on piano only

I was hoping that Michael was going to relent and come with me to the show but it didn't happen.  Oh well.

I was admonished by a friend about my lack of posting in the past few days. Sigh....so here it goes.
Sex, sex and more sex and yes, the Good Doctor is the only one that comes close to making me howl with delight. I rather miss those lovely nights of snuggling close to you-know-who and just being happy to wake up in the morning chattering. We both give good morning chatter. He was great that way. Still, snuggles and hugs and tender kisses. I keep thinking that these things are going to continually evade me. I haven't had a real affectionate boyfriend since the days of Claude, Sakis and Scotty. Those guys really treated me like a nice girl and we did the hand holding and nicey nicey stuff.
All boyfriends since then (with the exception of Michael) was all about sex, sex, sex. I mean, yeah, I did cool things with Seth but he goes far out of his way to be arrogant alpha male unless his emotions are shattered and then he needs hugs. Ummm, but what about moi???? sigh..........So, I guess, I'm going to be celibate for awhile. This sex without love thing is
bullshit, yess, this sex without love thing is bullshit
So, I supposed to get tickets to see the dead tomorrow at Jones and its going to be raining and I think John is going to be pouty but I don't care. I should've just went on my own and gave the extra ticket away
I have too many secrets and at first I felt privileged and now it just feels like a weight. My therapy session was way harsh. She wasn't mean but to bring things into focus is not what I want right now even though its what I need.
I'm getting ready for the RNC. lots of volunteer work to be done and I'm totally game. I hope things are not too volatile. I'm not here in spirit, only in the flesh. I have no idea where my spirit is. Probably hiding until I stop messing with bad apples and give some much needed love to myself.
ahhhhh, it did feel good to let all that out. Thanks to the doctor for reminding me of what I'm supposed to be doing. and not necessarily whom I'm doing!!!! More to come later!!!

Yippeeee, I'm at work. You know....every fucking Summer, we have the battle of the air conditioners. This year, its unbearable. the bastards are keeping it way cold and I have to continually wear a warm jacket INSIDE the office so that I don't get sick from going indoors to outdoors. That damn stinky Jimmy from C-Squat is trying to make time with me. Ewwwwwwww. He smells like dead rat or something equally foul. I saw Billy Comfort and he dissed me as usual. Luckily, I don't think he's so hot anymore but I like drinking with him.
Otherwise, yesterday was a nice day, I got my scarves for my Canopy bed and now I feel so elegant. I still feel kind of twisted that they don't match but I can buy some scarves that match another day. I want to talk to Michael McGreal. Its eating at me so much. I just want to talk to him and let everything go. I'm finding it so hard to just walk away. I know, its stupid. I'm stupid. sigh.............off to the chiropractor's.

Sunday morning, again and again

Yeah so, some old geezer is going to paint my ceiling this morning and then I'm going to go shopping for fabric to use in the project. Then I go to La Plaza to replenish the water supply.  Go food shopping at Pathmark and then take my ass home to clean my kitchen.    All in all, a jam packed day.

I sent a letter out in regards to my shenanigans last night and this is what Nathaniel sent me:

And it all means jack-shit if you don't learn from your problems. Hey,
if you enjoy being a sad drunk, than keep it up. If you don't, than -
as Dave said - change.

That cut deep but its true.  I don't know what to say.  I have no courage to try again.  Thats the truth of the matter.  I'll have to cut off the usual suspects and start all over in AA and I'm just so willful.  I really need help with this. This really sucks.

Later on in the day of a Saturday

I had two pints of Sam Adams and some Johnny Walker Red for brunch today.   Now thats a healthy meal.  Okay, I did eat some eggs with it as well.

I didn't do anything that I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO!

Instead, I went to the Anniversary of the Riot in Tompkins Square park. 

Michael saw me and walked off and left the park.  That truly made me sad but shit happens.

Drank half a pint of Stella Artois at the Sunburnt cow and had a catfish taco at San Loco's.  I only ate that because I know Michael always orders it.  It did taste good though.  I'm home now and it looks as if I'm going to be blown off.  I had a date tonight with John Kapsales and it wasn't as if I really wanted to go but it still sucks to be stood up.

It's only eight forty but I've had it with the world tonight.  I'm going to go lie down in bed and forget that my life is kinda stupid right now.

I haven't heard from Jael in awhile. I guess I'll write off an email and see if she responds.  I wonder when she'll get tired of running away.

 

Hahahhahaahahha, I am so stupid, I just got a call from John.  He did call my cell and in my drunken stupidity, I thought he was some guy that I met on Craigslist and I totally blew him off rudely. I, unfortunately, remember the call, I was leaving the park and was quite giddy and DRUNK.

LET THAT BE YET ANOTHER LESSON HOW ALCOHOL FUCKS UP MY LIFE OR RATHER HOW I FUCK UP MY LIFE WITH ALCOHOL!!!!!!

Whats up, World???

Hello, its me,  you know that I'd be with you if I could..........

I love Todd Rundgren.

Today, I'm missing Christopher Cassinelli and the rest of the whole Villa Court crew. Thems my peeps!!

This was a good summer, I had fun at the Mermaid parade.  I just chilled at Stanley's house upstate two weeks ago and now I'm just hanging out enjoying my new bed.  Life is sweet.