I'm tired of waking up in the morning feeling like shit. I thought this would all go away when I got my period. I thought I was just pmsing. It turns out that I'm not just depressed.
I wish this was made clearer to me and I would've been taking my meds.
How was I to know......................Ohhhh bullshit, I've known that I'm emotionally weak for years. I know that I'm not supposed to be drinking. I know that I need to rest and stay out of adverse conditions that causes me to flip out.
Yet despite my knowledge, this is all that I've been doing with myself for years.
I have these moments of clarity whereupon I decide to go to AA but then I get disenchanted and I go right back to fucking up and having breakdowns.
If I'm not careful, one of these days, I won't be able to talk myself into loving myself. One of these days, I'm going to be dead a lot sooner and by my own hands not natural causes or an accident.
I feel really bad about the Gregor thing. I really miss him. It was nice to wake up and have somebody sleeping here and have company in my apartment. I'm realizing that I hate being alone and he definitely filled a void.
It really sucks that I can't seem to get myself to sleep at night and then I'm horribly tired every morning.
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